Meg with her family
By TAMARA SLAUGHTER, FPC member
Meg, with her husband Jarrett, are co-pastors of University Presbyterian Church in Chapel Hill. Never heard of married co-pastors? Neither had anyone else, which is what makes this couple groundbreakers. From this singular viewpoint, Meg will be the keynote speaker at the FPC Women’s Retreat at Grandover Resort January 27-28.
It wasn’t a surprise that Meg went into ministry. Both her parents are ordained as are her brother and his wife. She and Jarrett earned two master’s degrees at Union Presbyterian Seminary. They have shared the leadership at University Pres since 2019. Says colleague Mindy Douglas of FPC-Durham, They “have been leaders in the denomination from the beginning of their careers.”
“I know of other co-clergy couples,” says Meg, but they serve in different areas with one as a pastor and one as, for example, a Christian educator or counselor.
“Co-pastoring with your spouse is not for everyone,” Meg says. “We aren’t turfy, we complement each other, we communicate well, and we’re open to help and coaching.” It’s not without problems. For example, who sits with the kids – Naomi and twins Caroline and Zanna – when Mom and Dad are leading the service? The girls are old enough now to sit on the front row with oversight by congregational friends – and the occasional meaningful glance from a parent.
When asked about women in ministry in general, Meg notes that the old model measured women against how a man would do it. More recently, the special ways and gifts women naturally bring to the table are more valued. Still, women clergy are not paid as well and fill more associate than lead pastor positions. There are still gender expectations, such as when someone under Jarrett’s direct supervision charged with fluffing the church parlor came to Meg to ask about getting the drapes cleaned. There is also the ingrained expectation that the mom is the default parent, the one who manages the kids’ schedules, books the babysitter, buys the shoes. Meg stresses that Jarrett is an excellent parent; it’s just that there’s a different load for women. And let’s not forget navigating boundaries and being mindful of sexual harassment, from which the PC(USA) is not exempt. Overall, Meg notes in a wise observation, there is “what you see plus what you don’t see” that women clergy carry on their shoulders.
This idea of seen and unseen issues is one of the reasons women’s retreats are valuable. Meg has many good memories of these gatherings, including the time she and her mother (an ordained minister who has spent her career in Christian counseling) led a retreat together. She recalls an older retreat attendee who had recently moved to town and the church. Her husband had Alzheimer’s, and time away was rare for her. She was a bit quiet and watchful, gathering her impression of this community. When her husband was hospitalized then passed, it was the retreat women who rallied around her. This illustrated to Meg that retreats help the church for more than that weekend; they offer more connection than just an hour on Sunday. They provide a framework to form the warp and weft of the church’s fabric. Plus, she adds, “taking a break with women of your faith and your church is refreshing and wonderful.”
Julie Wade, who is co-chairing FPC’s retreat with Nancy Abrams, believes that women of all ages and stages will relate to Meg. “She is both witty and wise, plus has a prayerfully considered message to bring to the women of FPC,” Julie says. “I can’t wait to hear it!”
